Today on the 40^th anniversary of the “moon landing” when I hear people say, “Did we land on the moon, really?” I just have to chuckle.

I was there. I remember it like it was, well, yesterday. And the truth is…

No, we did not land on the moon, it was a fake

July 20, 1969 actually started out like any normal day on the Moon Landing soundstage in Double Oaks, TX.

I was a rather large 10-year-old, testing out one of NASA’s “fitness” experiments called the Cybex ArcTrainer. The brass called it a fitness experiment, but all of us in the space hoax program (even me, I was supposed to perform the role of an alien, if the need aros) called it the fatness experiment, because the powers that be were so dead-set on getting everyone slim and trim.

“It’s up to you, Paul,” they used to tell me. “If you can lose weight on this new machine, with all your spinal herniations, knee surgeries, arthritis and what-all, then any of our right-stuff guys can do it, and get themselves into these ‘space suits.’”

Buzz took the photo that proves the conspiracy

So there I was on the moon set on my ArcTrainer, trying not to go too fast because the floor (the ‘lunar surface’) was fashioned to look real by covering it with dry ready-mix cement and when you go too fast it kicks up dust and it bothers your throat when you breathe.

Anyway, everyone was rehearsing the big ‘landing’ scene that morning. Neil Armstrong came over to me in his suit, gave me a slap on the back, then hooked up the ‘anti-gravity cables’ to his shoulders and started walking around the set.

Slowly, though, so as not to kick up the dust as I worked out.

“I appreciate that, Neileo.”

“Mwmr wmugmms vrmm,” he replied. You can’t make out a thing from a guy with his astronaut helmet on.

Buzz Aldrin was there with his Kodak Instamatic and he took this little photo of me and the Neileo.

There's me and Neil (I used to call him Neileo; he used to call me Who-are-you) on the Set of the Apollo 11 Moon Landing soundstage outside Houston.

Then we all had a big laugh until President Richard Nixon stuck his head through the door

“You boys aren’t taking any pictures, now are you?” bellowed the President (I used to call him Old Ski-Jump-Schnozz, which he just loved, which you could tell because every time I'd say it he would point at me, lean over to one of his Secret Service guys and whisper something).

“You better not be taking pictures, fellas. I’ll put you on my enemies list, you know. Even you, Paul, you little $#*!. I can’t have those Godless Ruskies getting the entire world to start thinking, ‘Did they land on the moon? It must be a hoax.’ So get your infernal space suit on, Aldrin, and let’s get this filming done before it’s Christmas, for God's sake.”

Buzz inconspicuously tossed his camera in the litter bin, but I conspicuously fished it out later on. I put it in a box and forgot about it until I found that box by total complete accident last week and got slides and prints made from that film.

Can’t we all just put all this hoax and conspiracy talk behind us?

I hope this will finally put the whole hubbub about the moon landing to rest.

So if you’re still, after all this photographic proof, wondering ‘Did we really land on the moon?’ the answer is no, unfortunately, we didn’t. It was all done in Double Oaks.

But here’s the good news: I’m still trying to lose weight 40 years later. And, when you think about it, it’s pretty impressive that even at 350 pounds now, I can still fit into the same clothes I wore as a 10-year old boy.

Makes me feel so youthful. And gives me the inner strength to keep trying.